what you see is what you get…. or is it?

Posted in dating on September 22, 2009 by mysticlight

In the hustle and bustle of today’s world, its easy to become lost among the names and faces of those you pass by. You can chose to be as visible or as invisible as you want with cellphones and text messages, message boards and social network applications. When you take down the technological shield and meet someone face to face, how do you even know who you’re really talking to?

Single life in the big city, or any city for that matter, can be quite a challenge. It’s no longer a story of boy meets girl. In our age of technology, boy virtually winks at girl. then boy sends a virtual flirt. girl acknowledges sentiment and flirts back. Emails go back and forth through cyberspace until finally the exchange of phone numbers takes place. Instead of a personal phone call, however, boy sends girl a text. And so the technological pursuit continues…..

Old pictures are scanned. more recent pictures are touched up, taking off a few pounds, wrinkles and gray hairs. Let’s not forget the infamous picture in front of the mirror with cellphone in hand. Say ‘cheese’.

After all the technological avenues are exhausted, what do you do next? No more hiding behind your computer screen or your cellphone applications… The time has come to meet face-to-face and this is where technology takes a back-seat.

Warning: Objects may be larger than they appear…. or was that ‘closer’ than they appear. Guess that only pertains to side-view mirrors and a tyrannosaurus rex hot on your tail. It’s no longer a WYSIWYG world and ‘what you see’ in a scanned photo, is definitely not ‘what you get’….

First date meetings seem to go hand in hand with coffee. Walk into any local coffee shop and chances are you will be witnessing a first time meeting. Disappointment hangs heavily in the air….

  • Are you really 5’11”? Hmmm, maybe with shoe lifts….
  • WHP (weight-height proportionate)? Sorry, but this does not refer to the animal kingdom measurement scale….
  • Oh, you look so much ‘younger’ in your college graduation picture….

The list goes on and on…. and it’s not just the women who commit this faux pas. Men also blur those lines between fact and fiction. You want to put forward your best appearances. However when you start digging out those old photos from your shoebox in the far corner of the closet because you know you look absolutely stunning, aren’t you not only setting yourself up for disappointment but the person you’re meeting as well.

We are told that beauty comes from within…. yet, we are so consumed with the perfect dress, the perfect suit, the perfect color that accentuates your curves or brings out the color in your eyes. What’s a person to do?

Growing up as a kid, little slogans and feel good messages get tossed your way through schools, activity groups and kids television programming. One that may sit in the far crevices of your mind is ‘be proud of who you are, be yourself’. Apparently you do learn more in kindergarten than your primary colors. So, after all these years, some words of wisdom finally come back to bite you in the…. uh, er… finally shine down upon you.

Be confident of who you are and stop hiding behind those 15 year old fuzzy, out-of-date pictures. Update your photos. If you must use a camera phone, have a friend do the honors. No one really wants to see a picture of you in the bathroom anyways.

As you sit across from this person over a cup of coffee, you begin to realize just how much you don’t like coffee to begin with. You think back to the past few weeks and start to wonder why you agreed to meet this person in the first place. every bit of communication up to this point has been so dry and impersonal. What happened to those days of looking across a crowded room, noticing that beautiful smile or those gorgeous dimples.

Personal interaction has withered away almost to the point of extinction. We no longer know how to communicate unless we are in front of a computer or limiting our messages to 160 characters or less. You take a deep breath, power off that computer, leave your cellphone at home and take a look at the beauty of life around you. The little girl on the swing, laughing as her dad pushes her higher. the elderly couple walking hand-in-hand. the little boy running as his new puppy (& best friend) tackles him in the grass.

As you stop and take in a deep breath, you think back to when life was not so complicated with technology. To when a date was actually a real date and not an invitation to chat. You think of the person you left sitting in the coffee shop and realize that all these new types of dating (online sites, speed-dating, compatibility questionaires) are not worth all the hype surrounding them.

You smile to yourself, knowing that while technology is great, there’s nothing wrong with being a little old-fashioned.


there’s more than meets the eye….

Posted in cleavage on July 13, 2009 by mysticlight

what is it about cleavage that causes a man to act foolish, walk into poles or worse yet, wreck into parked vehicles?

Breasts…. we all have them. Men for the most part develop very muscular chests, while there are some that sport a bit more cleavage than muscle. Brings back memories of an old Seinfeld episode where Kramer and Frank are trying to market the bra for men, otherwise known as a ‘mansiere’ or ‘the bro’. Do men with moobs (man-boobs) have the same issues that large breasted women do?

On a woman, breasts come in all different shapes and sizes. Some are big, while others are small. Some are quite perky, while others tend to sag. Some are for nutritional purposes, while others are just for show. They all are home-grown and start out au naturel, yet some women choose to biggie-size theirs. I wonder if that comes with fries?

So, why are men so fascinated by breasts? Cleavage is lovely to look at and so tempting to the touch. But is there more to breasts and cleavage than meets the eye?

There are several advantages and disadvantages to having ample cleavage. First off, cleavage is good for catching that rogue potato chip or piece of popcorn that slips from your hand. Somehow it never seems to reach the floor. Of course, by the end of the night, you find yourself shaking out your shirt as you are leaving the movie theater.

In the days before camera-capable phones and digital cameras, cleavage was a great way to hide a camera that you were sneaking into a concert. It was also a nice hiding place for extra film. Nowadays, you can usually sneak a few fuzzy pictures using your camera phone.

When it comes to clothing, cleavage can be quite challenging. Let’s start with the sports-bra. A sports-bra is used to help keep a woman’s breasts snugly positioned against her body so that she may participate in various sports activities in comfort. Yeah…. right. Guys, try fitting your stuff into a toddler-size pair of spiderman underroos and maybe…. just maybe… you’ll understand.

Button-up blouses pose a problem too. If you are one of the more well-endowed women, you avoid any type of button up shirt because the ‘strained-button shirt is not the look you are hoping to achieve. However, your KISS baby-doll concert shirt looks AWESOME on you. Yay cleavage!! Then again, when you go shopping with your more petite girlfriends, you secretly wish that you could fit into those cute tops they are trying on. If you are an L or XL on top and your waist is at an M, some shirts will give you the very unflattering ‘maternity’ blouse look and that is just SO NOT happening!

Let’s go a level deeper, beyond the ill-fitted shirts, and discuss the dreaded shopping of the bras. When you have much to carry around, finding a bra that fits just right seems to be a losing battle. So many bras on the market seem to cater to the smaller woman. You have a variety of push-up bras, those which accentuate non-existent cleavage and of course those which provide the much needed extra padding. These bras look great, but do you really want to add an extra level of padding or enhance your cleavage so much that even the grand canyon is envious?

With this said, what are the advantages of cleavage? You are definitely noticed by the cute new guy down the hall. Unfortunately, the creepy guy notices you too. You are now the envy of women where ever you go. After all, yours are naturally fantastic. Meanwhile, these women will have to pay to have what you already have. Doesn’t matter that you can’t look down and see the cute new shoes you are wearing.

So wear that sexy shirt that shows off what you’ve been blessed with. Who cares about button-up shirts and uncomfortable bras. You look HOT!!

Sure wish i could remember the last time i was able to sleep on my stomach….

there’s a first time for everything….

Posted in first times.... on June 17, 2009 by mysticlight

Childhood is full of many first times. Your first step. Your first word. Your first band-aid from your first bike ride without training wheels. As you get a little older, you experience a few more first time moments. Your first date. Your first kiss. Your first fender-bender in your parent’s new car.

As years continue to pass you by, you experience fewer and fewer first time moments. There’s one, however, that will always stand out in your mind. A memory you will treasure, that will always be special to you.

~weird reminiscing music here~
You laugh nervously. You’ve talked to your closest friend in hopes of gaining insight from her experience. Girls will be girls, and of course, as a good friend, she will encourage you. After all, she doesn’t want to be the only one who has done it.  You raise your eyebrow in thought. You know what to expect now…. right?

You want the moment to be perfect…. the right time…. the right place….. and especially with someone you trust. You smile to yourself knowing that your first time will be all that and so much more…..

You feel at ease at the soothing sound of his voice. Your first thoughts are of how gentle his touch is…. the touch of experience.

You feel a sudden chill as he moves closer to you. You feel the pressure of his touch against your body as you close your eyes and sigh softly in anticipation. You cannot help but notice the butterflies fluttering about inside. His touch is almost electrifying.

Suddenly you find yourself catching your breath…. It is unlike any feeling you have ever felt before…. You unknowingly find yourself caught up in the rhythm and the motion of his every movement.

Sensations take over your body, varying from a gentle touch to a penetrating pain that, once again, catches your breath… You feel the warmth of his leg against yours, the firmness of his hands across your back, the friction of skin against skin. You close your eyes…. taking it all in…. every feeling…. every movement…. every touch….

At the very moment you feel you are losing control, an intensifying satisfaction washes over you. You catch your breath and as you slowly breathe out, a relaxing warmth flows throughout your body. There is a new glow to your skin, a slight blush to your face as you find yourself shyly smiling.

As he moves away from you, you take a moment and realize just how perfect your first time was. You look up at your friend, she smiles and says it looks fantastic!!

Now, wait a minute…. weren’t we just talking about…… and your friend was there….. watching??….. nah….. couldn’t be……
Get your mind out of the gutter and check out my new tattoo……

I never thought I’d get one, but after all………
There’s a first time for everything…..

Outline of my tattoo….
Outline of tattoo

Tattoo fully colored in….
tattoo fully colored

getting to know you….

Posted in oh... one of 'those' on May 8, 2009 by mysticlight

What do you say when getting to know someone? The initial pleasantries are pretty standard, but what should and shouldn’t you say? Is it important not to reveal too much or is full disclosure the way to go?

Let’s start with the basics, your A, B, C’s.
A is for attraction. What attracted you to your potential mate and what attracted him to you? This is a fuzzy, feel-good topic. Definitely a good place to start. Compliment each other on the obvious. His gorgeous smile. His dreamy eyes. In return, he should compliment you on your best features as well.

B is for business. Show an interest in what he does for a living. Men, and women alike, like to talk about themselves and brag a little bit about their accomplishments. Here is where you learn more about his personality and work ethic. Is he a workaholic? Does he need to always be in charge and control situations? Does he play well with others? And most importantly, does he even have a job?

C is for communication. Do you feel at ease talking to him? Or do you find him struggling to make eye contact, much less hold a coherent conversation. They say talk is cheap, but good communication is a definite plus. If he spends all his time talking about himself and shows no interest in learning more about you, perhaps you need to move on.

Well, it looks like you’re now off to a good start. You want this to progress gradually; let the details unfold as you learn about his habits and his quirks. Soon you’ll be smiling at his stories and laughing at his jokes. But what happens when he reveals a little too much, too soon? This is the time to listen, observe and watch for those red flags. Here are a few examples of when he says just a bit too much.

“Did you know a man has 4-5 erections during the night?”
Ok, yes. We do realize that this is a natural occurrence and that men experience this fairly regularly. We do not necessarily need to know why you brought this up, but you chose to enlighten us anyways. Too much disclosure is when you tell us about how you ‘broke’ your penis and those nightly erections caused you great pain until you were fully healed. What are we to say to this? The thought that runs through our mind is, are you telling me this because you have erectile dysfunction or do you just like talking about your penis? Hmmm… I wonder if they make little penis splints?

“Oh, I was in jail once for killing my girlfriend’s cat”
Warning! Warning!  Any mention of violence is a definite red-flag. Time to hang up the phone and walk away. This type of disclosure, no matter how scary or creepy, is actually good to know right up front. It gives you time to get away before your little hamster becomes a victim.

“My ex-girlfriend was just perfect”
If she was so perfect then why is she an ex? This is a judgment call. Is he still pining over his ex or is he just giving you direct hints of what his idea of perfection is. The ex-factor is a touchy subject. You are both curious about each other’s past, but at the same time you don’t want to make it an ongoing topic of conversation. I can only bear to hear how much you like spreading her little polished toes apart when you gave her a foot massage just so many times. Gack! Sounds like a foot-fetish to me.

“I have an ignition interlock on my car”
Whatever you do, don’t ask me to blow into it so you can start your car. This was put on your car for a reason but is that reason enough to stick around or walk away? Again, this is another judgment call. Getting to know your dates usually involve meeting for drinks. Everyone’s tolerance for alcohol varies, but when the end result involves blowing into a breathalyzer and many future court dates you must wonder about who you’re sitting across from. Since you are already at the restaurant or bar with him, take a moment to do some investigative work. Casually drop your napkin on the floor, or any other item readily available. As you bend down to pick it up, take a look under the table and see if your date has been tagged like a wildebeest in the wild. A gold bling-thing chain around the neck can be overlooked as a bad fashion choice, but an ankle-bracelet? That’s a whole other can of worms; and worms are yucky, except to fish.

So what it comes down to is if you really like this guy, find out more details. It never hurts to ask. But if the only blowing in his car involves a court ordered device, then you may want to toss this fish back in and move to clearer waters.
Speaking of which….

“If she doesn’t go down, I don’t stick around”
Some men have the mentality ‘its all about me’. Wake up fellas, it’s not all about you. If he’s looking for a quick sexual fix and expects it by the second or third date, then you might as well throw this one back in. Or better yet, just leave him lying on the shore and let him shrivel in the hot sun. As dating progresses, you know that it will eventually lead to a sexual encounter, but when a guy puts his expectations on the table so prematurely you may want to consider that it is just all about him and sexual satisfaction will be purely one-sided and he will not reciprocate.

All these insightful glimpses into his life will help you decide whether you’ll be looking forward to his next call or you’ll be deleting his number from your phone faster than he can say “penis splints”.

I wonder if those come in different sizes……..

the third-date rule….

Posted in oh... one of 'those' on April 20, 2009 by mysticlight

What is it about the number 3 that seems to add a sense of mystery and misery in our lives. You hear the old saying that things happen in threes. But is there belief to that or just another saying passed on through an email that has been forwarded so many times that you now have email addresses of more people than you care to run into in a lifetime.

So exactly what role does this odd number play? After all, it doesn’t take three to tango, it only takes two.  And of course, you never want to be the third-wheel either, so that’s why it’s called a double-date. But what happens when you meet someone new? What is the unspoken expectation of the 3rd date?

Let’s start with the first date…. this can be a variety of different things, from dinner and a movie, to an espresso or ice cream. He obviously shows an interest in you and conversation is flowing just as natural as a cool mountain stream on a warm summer day. As the night comes to an end, he looks into your eyes, takes your hand inside of his and leans in for a good night kiss. Nothing too forward, nothing too long. Just simple and sweet. Leaving you with a smile on your face and a confident feeling knowing that he’ll be calling you tomorrow.

Ok, well maybe he doesn’t call; not tomorrow anyways. You glance at your phone with a frown, but you know that he will be calling soon. Besides it’s happy hour with the girls. Time to catch up on the latest happenings and make plans for that upcoming second date.

Ahh… the second date. Now this is very similar to the first but even better.  Some of the nervousness has subsided and you start feeling very comfy as you snuggle next to him in the movie theater. He sneaks little kisses from you now and then, and best of all, he squeezes you tight during the scary parts.  You’re not quite sure why he’s so scared in the movie, but he knows you’re there to protect him.

You go on about your week knowing that you’ll be hearing from him soon, and soon it is. He’s suddenly anxious to book the third date. You let him know that you think you may be able to see him this weekend, but give no firm commitments as of yet. Suddenly you are all he seems to think about and getting your attention is his main focus. So you toss this old boy a bone and agree to Saturday night.

“Let’s go back to my place.” Give this one some thought, ladies. He has been a gentlemen so far, but it’s too soon to put all your condoms in one basket. Take a raincheck on this offer for now. After all, there will be another full moon next month and the view from his place will be just as lovely then. No need to rush.

Stop. Hold the presses. Yes, I know. You thought this was all about the third date. Okay. Let’s rewind it a bit……….

You decide to take him up on his offer. Nothing says romance like holding hands and kissing under a full moon, and of course, the view from his picture window is breathtaking. Somehow he failed to mention the large oak tree that so conveniently blocks the view. Interestingly enough, the view is better from his bedroom window.

Now we all know how to ward off those unwanted advances, so we’ll skip those minor details, fast forward through and now the date is over. He gives you a kiss goodnight and appears to have gotten over your rejection of him earlier in the evening. As you close the door and say goodnight, you don’t realize that this is the last time you will see him.

Huh? What? That’s not true. Well, sorry to say in some cases, yes it is. He was hoping for that grand slam home run and instead he struck out. Good for you ladies!! You’ve unknowingly scored and sent him back to the locker room to take a long, cold shower. So, don’t wait for him outside the locker room with a towel to dry him off. He’s already set his sights on another playing field. Let him move on.

You don’t want someone in the minor leagues anyways…….


Posted in eewww...the creepiness on October 10, 2008 by mysticlight

Sorry all….. been a while and I haven’t made any time to post something new. Hopefully this will keep you entertained until the next installment….

Let’s talk about another type of man, not one that you would date, but one that will at some point will cross our path. Surely we’ve all encountered one from time to time, or in some cases on a daily basis. Now you expect this to come from your toddler…toddlers, as most of us had experiences, have little to no problem in sticking the unknown into their mouths from time to time. We’ve all caught them exploring for those golden nostril nuggets and, to our disgust, proceeding to taste-test this gooey,sticky substance.

Fast forward to present day…you’re sitting in your cubbie, eyes drooping and head beginning to nod down, then back up. As you wipe the sleepiness from your eyes, you look at your surroundings and catch a glimpse of the creepy dude in the cubbie next to yours. You notice that the tip of his finger has become lodged in his nose. You begin to wonder…is his brain leaking out? Does he get better reception from his iPod this way? But before you have a chance to look away, he removes his finger and proceeds to dine on the new-found delicacy on his fingertip.

You try to suppress the gagging noises coming from your throat as you race down the hallway. The moment becomes surreal and you begin to question your own sanity. Now, you knew the creepy dude in the next cubbie was a little odd, but you tried to ignore his peculiarities. But this is just too much. Certainly your boss wouldn’t expect you to work under these conditions. Creepy dudes should be locked behind closed doors where no one can see them. Or at least behind 2 foot thick glass so that those who desire can observe from afar. Coincidentally, there is an office that resembles a glass-enclosed monkey cage. You pity those poor souls that have to work in there. You feel like throwing peanuts as you walk by.

As you continue to walk around, you soon realize that you can’t walk the hallways forever. You know your boss will not be sympathetic to your plight. So, reluctantly, with eyes averted, you trudge back to your own cubbie, realizing that you have to spend the rest of your days next to the booger-eater. Gross!

~ just live life….

Posted in oh... one of 'those' on August 19, 2008 by mysticlight

the ‘just-live-life’ guy

now we all know someone , or have heard of the cousin of the sister of the girlfriends’ best friend who has come across one of these guys at some time in their lives. and by all means, they do look quite normal. but look a little closer, listen a little more carefully.

at first you think, ‘hey, this guy is kinda cool’. he takes you out, you have a good time,  but before you know it you have suddenly fallen back in the ranks of the ‘friend’ category. sure he still calls you, but not to ask you out on a date. it becomes a subset of a date and it’s more like ‘hey, come over’ (cuz he wont make any effort to waste his gas on you) ‘lets hang out’ (not at a restaurant or the movies, but more conveniently, at his place). hmmm…. you begin to wonder….. does he have something special planned…. maybe a romantic home-cooked dinner…. or pizza and a movie you can cuddle to….

well, wipe that disillusioned look off your face. you, my dear, have just been invited to become a ‘friend with benefits’. there’s no home-cooked meal, except maybe a box of frozen hot-pockets in the back of the freezer behind the frozen pizzas. he’ll answer the door in dirty jeans, torn shirt and a drink in hand.

at this point, you think ‘oh poor baby. he’s had such a hard day at work’. you come in, baby him a little, have a couple drinks and before you know it he’s wanting to get a little more comfy. now you have a choice. sure, you do like him and you know that he likes you, after all, he invited you over, didn’t he? but what happened to opening the door for a woman and giving a sweet goodnight kiss at the end of the night.

you decide to take a different approach, one of the best offensive moves to breaking up the mood. ‘lets talk’. score one for the ladies! this guy is now sulking on the couch as he pours himself another drink. as he sits there fidgeting in his seat, he suddenly speaks…. ‘i just live life’.  huh?? what does that mean?? you ask this silently to yourself, as you cock your head to the side like a puppy with something in his ear. ‘i dont make plans’.  ’something better might come up’. ‘i have no worries, i just live life’.

now wait a minute. wasn’t he just making plans with you a couple weeks ago and taking you out? the more he talks, you realize that he has several ‘friends’ that he does a little livin-life with. hmmm….. you decide to take a rain-check for the night and excuse yourself. after all, you did forget to feed your goldfish at home and you’re sure you might have left the stove on.

a few days later and you’re back on his radar. he’s asking to see you. you have plans for happy hour and invite him along. no, he says. he wants to stay home, but invites you over instead (remember, he’s conserving gas). you politely decline. you just remembered that your goldfish needs his shots. who needs this guy anyways. he’s about as appealing as the scum that accumulates on the inside of the fishbowl.